The Psychology of Clutter & Letting Go

July 11, 2014 • nat • Courses, Happy House Rules, Inspiring • 2 Comments

Many powerful emotions are lurking amid stuff we keep. Whether it’s piles of unread newspapers, clothes that don’t fit, outdated electronics…the things we accumulate reflect some of our deepest thoughts and feelings.

To come to grips with their clutter, clients need to understand [and confront] why they save what they save, or things will inevitably pile up again.”

– The Psychology of Clutter, by Melinda Beck, Wall Street Journal

On Monday Tip wrote a post on letting go, explaining how real letting go can only happen if we first understand our relationship with stuff.

…and like magic into our inbox popped this video and article on The Psychology of Clutter by Melinda Beck for the Wall Street Journal.

“There’s growing realization amongst professional organizers that the first step towards de-cluttering is when we have to take in our heads coming to grips with why we keep what we keep.”

Remember, stuff only becomes clutter when it goes beyond stuff and causes us to feel a host of unpleasant / negative emotions: stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, paralyzed…and not be able to deal with it.

“Difficulty letting go of your stuff can also go hand in hand with separation anxiety, compulsive shopping, perfectionism, procrastination and body-image issues. And the reluctance to cope can create a vicious cycle of avoidance, anxiety and guilt.”

Avoidance? Anxiety? Guilt?
Yup! Yup! Yup!

To come to grips with their clutter, clients need to understand [and confront] why they save what they save, or things will inevitably pile up again.”

Which brings us back to why we need to understand our relationship with stuff and those ‘piles’ of clutter lying around.

I had a client recently who literally said “I know all the tricks like start with a corner, but I always go between perfectionist tidy and then cluttered piles…how do I know I wont go back there, back to clutter?”…I explained, “that’s because you haven’t confronted and really looked at why you’re doing this in the first place. Let’s deal with that first, and then you’ll see…we’re not going back we’re only going forward to new habits and ways you want to live by. Then next time the first pile starts you have a different way to handle it. But first, let’s have an honest look…”

So we did. Over a Skype call.

The next day she cleaned two piles and found $750 (from rebates she found in one pile and sale of something in another pile) and had already changed the bedroom. Two weeks later all the piles of clutter (17 of them) were gone from her house and while there are still things to tackle – a whole storage room in fact – “it feels different now”… and what’s best is that every time she writes to me she says “I still feel amazing”.

This isn’t magic, although for my client and others like her who deal with why they’re keeping stuff it does feel like it.

At the heart of our process with our clients – one on one coaching or our courses – is first understanding why you keep things and your relationship with stuff…

So that when you remove things you are really letting go.

Not just of the things this time, but of the reasons too.

It really is the only way to create new habits and ways that are happier, healthier, less stressful and overwhelming and well, work for you!

Because really, I know you don’t want to feel overwhelmed and paralyzed by stuff.

So go, what are you waiting for? Read Tip’s latest blog post on why we keep stuff and confront why you keep stuff…

and if you are ready for a new way and want some gentle guidance to get you there, contact us and let’s schedule a time to work on it together, once and for all.

An Invitation to Bring Peace Into Your Home: Peace Pots

July 9, 2014 • nat • Greenery, Happy House Rules • 2 Comments

What can I do? …We always say ‘start with a corner…

Today I invite you to join me in spreading peace into your own corners,

in the heart of your homes.

I had a whole other blog planned for today but then life intervened. I don’t usually get all personal on this blog (Maybe we should? Maybe you’d like us too?) but today at 832am mid getting dressed I found myself was sitting in the stairwell-cum-bomb-shelter with my 9month old son, waiting for a bomb siren to stop whining and the sound of a bomb being imploded over Tel Aviv.

We’re OK, really.

Perspective is always fleeting, at least for me. I live in Tel Aviv and this is the price we occasionally pay. And I never know how to deal with it because I’m some who likes to improve things and find solutions, and I have solutions for dealing with it other than being practical, safe and offer thanks and gratitude for what I have…and ask for Peace

…and then I was taken back to 12/12/12 when the same thing was happening here (sirens, bombs over Tel Aviv)…and the teeny idea I called Peace Pots and long since forgotten came rushing back.

It’s called Peace pots and it’s about inviting peace into a corner of your home – not with a promise, but with a physical object, a plant, so that you take care of it…in the physical. (Well you know we’re big on doing things in the physical space here ;).

I so often wonder, not just what’s happening here but about things that happen in other far off places – “but what can I do?”. There are many other places in the world on fire and like for most of us, unless it’s on your doorstep it’s easy to ignore…I certainly do. How can we grapple with things we can’t help?

…and that’s where the pots come in. Below is what I wrote then, the same applies today. If it resonates with you in any way, I’d love you to join in.

The Story
My friend Marge told me a story about how she was running a workshop on peace with kids and they asked them what they wished for. One boy answered “peace in the classroom”. His teacher said “don’t you mean world peace?” “No,” he said, “I can’t do that. But I can help make peace in my classroom”.

What’s a Peace Pot?
A peace pot is just that. An opportunity to invite peace into your home & your neighbourhood.

How do I make one?

Plant it with rich earth, add something living, pretty & green. Or buy a lovely plant. Label it.

Place them in your homes. Gift them to your friends. Or a stranger. Feed it water and love. Let it grow.
…We might not know how to make world peace, but we can definitely add some to our own little corners of the world, our homes. And maybe, if we fill enough corners. Well, you just never know.

xnat

ps the photo above is a pot I literally just bought today and have placed in our home.

I’d love to invite you to do the same.

images: 1 / 2

Let it go – Part 1 (a.k.a. why we keep stuff)

July 7, 2014 • tip • Courses, Happy House Rules, Inspiring • No Comment

This is a pretty BIG one on the Happy House Rules scale which is why we often start with it (i.e. let 1 thing go) and then return to it later (let a whole lot more go!) once we ave talked more about stuff and why we keep it, during our courses and consultations. There are many different reasons why we keep things so this post is all about trying to hep you figure out why you’re hanging on to something that seems to be weighing you down in some way.

* Keeping things “just in case” – you know, because you might need it, one day. This is often about a lack of trust in the future & your ability to provide for it. (I used to do this – a LOT. Time to trust it will all be OK. Because, it will.)

* Identity – sometimes you might feel that your identity is tied up with your belongings. Examples of this could include old concert ticket stubs, old gifts from friends etc. Your things aren’t you – YOU are you.

* Unwanted gifts – As we discussed last week, we’ve all been given things we don’t like but feel obligated to keep. We are giving you permission to get rid of these.

* Status – ‘keeping up with the Jones’ for the reason of boosting self-esteem. But really, who are the Joneses anyway?

* Security – it’s reasonable to have a basic nesting instinct and want to create a home which serves your needs but there is a point at which more things do not make you feel more secure.

* Territorialism – this is all about the ego, which wants to possess and control things. So we buy stuff.

* Inherited “Clutteritis” – learned patterns from our parents/people that raised us. Think about if this might be the case for you … and remember, patterns can be changed.

* A belief that more is better – something the advertising moguls have brainwashed us into believing.

* “Scroogeness” – refusing to let go of things until you’ve gotten your money’s worth out of them…even if they cost you nothing to start with. I totally do this even though it makes no sense whatsoever. Oops.

* Using clutter to suppress emotions – do you feel uncomfortable with too much empty space around you or too much free time? Ask yourself what you might be avoiding. (This was also a big one that I had to deal with – I mean imagine if I didn’t have all this stuff to deal with, then what? Scary …)

* Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders – if you’ve reached a stage where you cannot throw anything away, ever. This is a serious level and while clearing your stuff out can help, therapy is also a necessity. This is where you need to find a professional, pronto.

* Spaces of argument – this term, coined by Nat, essentially is a physical representation of an argument you are/aren’t having with your partner or flat mate (or even yourself). Our suggestion – fix it. Do what you have to. Take responsibility for your side of this and just simply end the argument. Let it go and move on. If the “discussion” needs to happen, then address it & resolve it too.

“See that pile of paper that’s been cleared? That was there for months and months (or even a year or two) and it just continued to grow. Hubby helped it grow by picking up my papers around the house and putting them on top of this pile. Anyway, he said, she said … I realised that this wasn’t clutter – this was an argument. A physical representation of the argument we weren’t having about my paper problem. So, my job was to end the argument.” ~ Tip

Take the time to process these and write down anything that came up for you. Did you connect with any? Have any others? We’d love to hear from you.

Tip
———————————————
Poster by Honeyboo on etsy

* Source: Many of these reasons for keeping stuff originate from Karen Kingston. We have expanded on them from our work with our Apartment Diet clients.

Let Go Of Things That Make You Feel Bad

June 30, 2014 • nat • Happy House Rules • No Comment

If I asked you right now, do you want good vibes in your home you’d probably say “of course”.

So I’ll ask you this, why are you letting things that give you bad vibes stay in your home?

You could give me a lot of excuses I’m sure.

I say, they’re just excuses. Life is too short to have bad vibes because of an object.

So take those unwanted bad vibe things kicking about your house (for starters) and remove them.

Let them go with a clear conscience, and then clean and clear the space they were hanging out in properly (maybe even light a candle to burn those bad vibes away!).

Not convinced? Keep reading below… otherwise, what are you waiting for? Bad vibes be gone!

OK, let’s think a bit deeper on the effect of these bad vibey things, shall we?

At Apartment Diet we talk a lot about feelings, how our spaces / environments make us feel, how our stuff makes us feel. Basically the atmosphere in a space. There is also the interaction between us, our own feelings and moods, and the environment to consider.

This is not just something we’ve made up. It’s covered in thousands of psychology studies showing the power of our environment and it’s cues on our mood and behaviour. An extreme case in point, the Standford Prison Experiment…

In short, we frequently forget how our environment affects our mood and behaviour (and vice versa – yes, it’s a bit of a circle you’ll find yourself in if you ignore it!).

So I’d like to put an idea out there for you. Your physical space has an impact on your mood and behaviour. Your home has an impact on your mood and behaviour. Objects in your home have an impact on your mood and behaviour. It may be subtle so you’ll have to actively observe this. (It’s a good exercise to practice in any space that you walk into too, to observe how a space makes you feel and try to figure out why.)

Now, most of us have objects around our house that have energy or feelings attached (i.e. objects we feel strongly about). Some are good feelings, great even. Others neutral, for example, I don’t have many feelings about our cutlery but I like that we can eat happy meals with it.

Then there are those objects that we are DEFINITELY not neutral about. Those little or big things that make us feel bad. We think – oh, they are just things.

Yup. That’s right. They ARE things. Just simple inanimate objects.

So I ask you, why are you keeping some thing, in your personal space, that makes you feel bad?

You can tell me it was a gift – but I don’t believe a person wants you to feel bad about a gift.

It could be a million other reasons but really, why are you keeping some thing that makes you feel bad?

Our happy house rule for the week is to get rid of those bad vibes.

Now this step is important, clean the area once you’ve removed the things and put something healthy and happy there BUT clean clean clean first. Light a candle if you have to, open windows, place some fresh flowers or a green plant there for a while to make it a new fresh space…

At the end of the day life’s too short to let stuff give you anything but good vibes. So, even if someone gave it to you, it’s still just stuff, weighs on your mood, your life and your sub-conscience (yes, unfortunately even if you hide it in a cupboard, your subconscious still remembers).

So go on, let, it, go! And let the good vibes roll.

1 / 2 / 3 / 4

Swiss Miss: Don’t complain – make things better

June 29, 2014 • nat • Inspiring • No Comment

Just wanted to share this great talk by Tina aka Swiss Miss

Seriously inspired – with questions like “what’s your superpower?” and comments like don’t complain – make things better, have fun with work and how having kids drove her and how her side projects became her successes…how could you not be?

Apartment diet started out as our side project so it feels extra inspiring. Thanks Tina for sharing so honestly, hope you all enjoy too!

Have Fun With Colour

June 23, 2014 • nat • Before & After, Happy House Rules, Interiors • No Comment

This week’s #happyhouserules is all about having fun with colour!

Whichever part of the colour spectrum you’re on, adding (or removing or changing) colour is a very quick way to change up a space and atmosphere. And it’s fun!

Do you like colour? Are you afraid to use it? Or are you the person that splashes it everywhere, all over their wardrobe, accessories, walls…

I had a big shock last week when I looked down at my personal instagram feed and realised how colourful it was! And then I took some pics of my home and realised it was colourful there too. Perhaps I didn’t realise because in my head I have white walls, light wooden floors, white sheets, white & grey towels…I have a neutral base but there are a lot of colour pops. I guess over the last years I’ve let go to experimenting with colour via art and fabrics (I’m a pillow obsessed lady ;)) and hadn’t realised how colourful it had gotten over here.

I realised that while my home is still relaxed and calm like I like it, but there’s a whole lot more colour here and it makes it a whole lot more fun to be in.

Have a quick look around your space. Are there some corners that could do with some colour infusion?

The solution: Add something bright and sunny like a yellow. Paint some walls. Buy new happy colourful linen or towels. Or fun napkins and accessories. Want to go all out? Be inspired by Joy of Oh Joy, Rachel Castle and Interior designers Ghislaine Vinas and Emily Henderson, to name a few.

Colour need not be bright. It can also be used to create a moody broody space. Look to add rich dark colours and textures. Abigail Ahern has great examples.

Or dip your toe in tentatively with some low commitment items, a bunch of brightly coloured flowers, colour code your books and add a simple poster or pillow.

Whatever your feelings, we’d love to challenge you to have fun with colour this week! Be bold and show us what you’re doing by tagging us @apartmentdiet #happyhouserules #colour on Instagram or emailing us your pics so we can feature them.

And go on, have some fun with colour!

PS If you are someone who loves colour, a good tip borrowed from Emily Henderson, paint your walls white or grey, to give your colour a way to shine, rather than overwhelm.

image inspiraton: 1 / 2 / 3

Shop the house

June 16, 2014 • tip • Before & After, DIY, Happy House Rules, Interiors • No Comment

A fancy way of saying use what you have but much more fun, “shop the house” is a real way to change your room(s) without spending a cent. I was short on cash a while ago but still wanted to “finish” all the bits and pieces in our home that still had to be done. The above quick lampshade DIY was a result of shopping my house and finding a broken lampshade and bits of remnant fabric from an old set of curtains I had shortened a while back. Add some wire and voila, a solution for the ugly bare lightbulb. It was “good enough” until we could afford something nicer!

“Shop your house” also ties in nicely with our Happy House Rule of movement – moving things around to keep your home looking fresh for your eyes (as we stop seeing things that remain in the same place after a while).

I’d been searching for the “perfect” couch for a long long time and we had nothing to sit on (which in hindsight is a little crazy really) so I decided that the garden furniture could come inside for a while as it was winter anyway … it was actually a great move as it helped me decide the size, style and proportions that I need – hopefully one day I will be able to afford that too!

So next time you think your room is missing something, before rushing online or going shopping, have a quick look around your home – it’s more than likely that there is something you already have that just needs to be relocated.

Happy shopping!

PS It’s also worth letting others know what you are looking for as it may well be something they are looking to let go – friends, family members etc have been known to let you shop their homes too!

Ask For Help

June 9, 2014 • nat • Happy House Rules • 1 Comment

The best shortcut is to ask for help. – Apartment diet

Over homes are like this too. If one person is carrying the load well…it can be a lot. Too much.

I’m not sure when it became embarrassing or difficult to ask for help. Is it an adult thing? A pride thing? A perfectionist thing? Maybe. But is it really worth all the stress?

There is no faster ways to move on from feeling overwhelmed, stuck, stressed about our homes (and lives)…then this:

Ask for help.

It could be your partner, your kids, your friends, someone to help with the cleaning or cooking, an impartial person like us to give you a roadmap to get back on track…or all of the above.

Really, it is that simple.

The best part is, it’s also usually MUCH more fun!

So today, if something feels too big ask yourself

– who can I ask to help me with this?…and ask them.

Estelle’s Bedroom Before & After

June 6, 2014 • nat • Bedroom, Before & After, Courses, Interiors • No Comment

As we are focusing on ‘le boudoir’ this week, it felt like a perfect time share before & afters from one of our first ever Apartment Dieters Estelle:

“Our bedroom was the most important space to get right. I needed a place I could snuggle in at the end of the day and feel totally at peace.

The Apartment Diet course made me address my embarrassing corners of mess in our apartment. It gave me the inspiration to conquer them and create a more calm and soothing space that I love being in!”

Like for so many of us, the bedroom had become filled with piles of washing, things that needed to be done, things that needed a new home, pictures that needed framing etc. All very ‘normal’, but it was no longer working…

“We were also expecting our first baby and needed to plan how to fit him into our 1 bedroom layout. Apartment Diet was totally necessary in forcing us to create a clutter-free space for our entire family to share for the next couple of years!”

The result I think you’ll agree is very calm & soothing.

Thanks for allowing us to share your bedroom transformation Estelle!

We hope this inspires you! It certainly inspired us.

Is your Bedroom a place of “rest & romance”?

June 2, 2014 • nat • Bedroom, Before & After, Courses, Happy House Rules, Interiors • 2 Comments

How would your bedroom look if you (re-)designed it for rest & romance?

“Sometimes we forget about the bedroom, we concentrated our effort in our living room, dining, but the bedroom is our sanctuary, the place where you can have a great sleep zzzzzzz” – @1happymess

I’ve spent the last few years making our bedroom calm and empty except for some pretty things to wake up to like art, small bedside tables and a lamp each.

What’s your opinion on technology in the bedroom?

Over a year ago I took it a step further and banned our phones & electronics from the bedroom too arguing they were counter to restful sleep (and distracting, plus they also emit little lights that I’m convinced disturb us).

FYI: while this change was relatively seamless because we both like watching TV etc on our couch, it was not without argument. For the first 2 weeks my Mr would bring his phone in every night and I got mad…until I finally asked him “Why?”. He grumbled that he gets up earlier and didn’t want to stumble 20m out of the bedroom to turn it off. “Oh?” I said and I bought us an old school battery powered, no light emitting, alarm clock. Argument over.

OK, that’s technology but what about those piles that well, pile up, you might ask?

Is your bedroom the household’s storage unit?

From our work with clients (we’ve seen a LOT of bedrooms), we’ve also understood that for many of us the bedroom can become a storage unit.

We get how it happens. Most of us want the public spaces to be neat when people come over, so somehow stuff just lands in our bedroom. We’re here to help you with some solutions. One part of that is to decide to make your bedroom about rest & romance. Sleep and sex/intimacy. That means no ‘not done’ piles that weigh on your head when you sleep.

Don’t be upset if it is. Let’s do something about it, together, with some of our Happy House Rules.

Do you have 5minutes? Take it and start into those piles. Just start small and repeat…over the next week. Then come up with ways to ensure ‘everything in its easy place‘ & letting go.

I decided to stop using the bedroom for stuff that doesn’t have a home.

Right now ours doesn’t have many piles (except for two pieces of art that I want to hang) and it’s deliberate. Where does our ‘extra’ stuff go’? Pretty much everywhere else. I make sure we have a lot of storage. We have a few pieces that are in a storage garage and we use our flat’s public spaces & the top of closets and shelving in the bathroom/laundry area to keep our excess stuff. I have a hamper in the bathroom. It seems to make it easier to get rid of things.

I KNOW the reality is our bedrooms often seem like the only place we can put surplus stuff.

I just want to introduce the idea that they don’t have to be. I bet you’ll sleep a lot better, too.

So: How would your bedrooms look if you (re-)designed it with rest & romance in mind (and sleep & sex). What would you change? Would you allow ‘technology’ or not? And would it make letting stuff go easier?

Let us know in the comments what you think – we’d love to hear your thoughts!

If this inspired you to act please email us before & after pics, we’d love to share them with the world…or join us on instagram and share your bedroom pictures and what changes you are making just use the hashtag #happyhouserules + @apartmentdiet.

Image sources: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

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